[Las Vegas Sun, August 11]
An Austrian circus dwarf died recently when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a hippopotamus. Seven thousand people watched as little Franz Dasch popped into the mouth of Hilda the Hippo and the animal's gag reflex forced it to swallow. The crowd applauded wildly before other circus people realized what had happened.

The circus people, knowing a hit when they saw one, immediately set about to include this act as a standard part of the show. There were of course numerous obstacles to this. At first it was suggested that the dwarf could have a bungee cord tied around his waist. Field trials of this system proved to be less than optimal, however. The hippo could not be coerced into opening its mouth wide enough to release the dwarf, producing an ugly spectacle. It was then thought that the dwarf could be surgically removed from the hippo after the act, but a quick calculation showed that the dwarf would suffocate long before the surgery was complete. And putting scuba gear on the dwarf was seen as detracting from the aesthetic quality of the act. Another tactic had to be explored. One night the act was tried out with two men in a hippo suit substituting for Hilda. Although this was met with some laughter and warm applause, it was not the gangbusters reaction they had received on their first night, so they kept looking. But try as they might, they just couldn't find an acceptable substitute for the real thing. So, night after night, the public's insatiable demand for dwarf-swallowing hippos was met.

The dwarves were lured by the chance for fame and adulation - the few seconds' worth of riotous cheering, muffled though it was, proved an irresistible attraction to them. Perhaps they were also lured by the promise of appearing on the series of "Hippo-Digested Dwarves" trading cards that were all the rage with Austrian children. In any case, dwarves the world over were soon flocking to Austria for their brief turn on the pedestal. The circus even had to initiate height restrictions, as many people who were merely shorter than average were attempting to pass themselves off as dwarves by crouching. A greater problem, though, was the dwindling supply of hippos (an animal not native to Austria and notoriously difficult to transport). As the cost of procuring seven hippos a week grew to become prohibitive, the circus eventually had to cut back. From that point on, instead of being swallowed by a hippo, the catapulting dwarf was merely crushed to death by a large hammer. Strangely, this proved to be just as popular with the audiences. Oh, and the circus owner's name was Helmut Weiss.