wednesday 13th april, 2005



body language says it all in this one. and the voting public are represented by the confused, out-of-place looking girl in the middle. who is wearing green, ironically. VOTE GREEN! and stop using disposable anything! OK i'm done. we've all been here before.

i'm starved. it's my day off. i think i'm gonna watch 'what not to wear' and eat cereal. organic cereal and organic soymilk, dammit. ooh, tonight is the 'where are they now' episode of ANTM! i'm so excited! and so pathetic. i'll be sure to email everybody when i get a life.

PS: this woman is an IDIOT! OK i'm really done now. IDIOT!

friday 8th april, 2005




hold on to your hats and get ready to blast whatever you're drinking right through your nose! its... The TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS BLACK METAL PICS OF ALL TIME. don't say i didn't warn you. but wait, there's MORE! who wants to giggle themselves into a coma (ooh, nice enthusiastic display of hands there)? check out the related forum Top Ten BM Pics Feedback. give the pages time to load, it's worth it (even more pics, woo!) and you'll be there for a *very* long time. fascinating. here is just a sample, prolly written by an enraged nordic/skandi cradle of filth fan:

"for the first..you so full of shit.. how could you say that Dani looks like a gay??? have you take a look at yourselves???? I dont thik so.. and for the second.. helsinki is lying in Finland.. Don't sweden.. doesn't everybody knows that???? I sure would like to talk with you In Real Life about your "top 10".. I don''t think you would be so "tuff" then.. and I think you are so much more gay than the band you wrote on your side.. how could you write so much shit??? it's not even true.. you have get me and many others very mad.. Dani is very sexy.. not even close to be gay. you are just jealous becous you never can be so sexy as he is.." wah ha ha ha heeee! as one poster on page 37 says "this thread is a god damn goldmine of black metal cheese..." i couldn't agree more. the whole ruthless reviews site is cool, check it.

our lovely cat is turning out to be a bit of a psycho so we've had to buy pheremone diffusers and plug them into wall sockets around the flat. i kid you not. she's attacking our feet and hissing and spitting, seconds after being sweet and roly-poly affectionate. hopefully it's just the worm making her act up but we ain't taking no chances. it's bloody SCARY i tells ya.

smell ya later.

wednesday 6rd april, 2005


yo, just leave ms jones alone. she just too fierce for the rest of you.



pull up to the bumper, baby

that's about it. derry bought the new QOTSA cd for me. he is great. i am making veggie chili for dinner. i have a headache from the naff job interview i had today (and i have another one friday. are they trying to kill me?). argh i've slipped into borrringnessss. lucky gets her worm tablet tonight. if any of you have ever wormed an animal, you know what kind of attractive litterbox fun lies ahead. i'll be grabbing some gusto, for sure!

i thought today was thursday and that i had missed the (UK) finale of america's next top model. i already know eva wins. the other night i dreamed i was on an ANTM reunion show where they got all the girls who lost & from past seasons together... eva and i had a fight about chewing gum(?) but we hugged and made up, tearfully. a beautiful, psychotic and fictitious girlie moment. i think i have brain damage.

sunday 3rd april, 2005


i had all this political stuff i wanted to spew about, but i just can't be arsed. it's a lazy sunday and we spent too much time at the farmer's market, then walking around in kemptown, drinking coffee and reading and now i'm just knackered.

pages of a book were scattered all over west hill road in seven dials. turns out it is the da vinci code, after googling it. all in all it's very poorly written! here's a piece i saved cos it cracks me up:



what was grampy doing? using a penis pump whilst laying on a pile of under-age boy porn? one can only hope. apparently he was involved in some sort of ancient spiritual sex act (yeah, right, we've all had a few of those, nudge nudge wink wink, grampy was a goer!) which all the internet twat bloggers refuse to detail cos it's a "spoiler" (please)... i will never read this piece of junk nor shall i see the movie cos it will probably star some tossers like sandra bollocks and colin-liam-rupert-dumbfuck no talent pointy faced flavour of the month. so i will go to my grave believing he WAS in fact using a penis pump, all oiled up on a pile of pre-pubescent boy porn. that's just the kind of person i am.

alot of bloggers get mentions in magazines and even win awards! i will never get either of those things. boo dee fooking hoo. i like the fact that mine is full of vacuous idealistic leftie rants and hyper-opinionated twaddle. it's abstract and i like it that way. i may occasionally recant absurd tales from my musical heritage in the states now and again (changing names to protect the 100% guilty) but that's as deep as it goes. as i creep towards senility memories overwhelm me sometimes, much like an acid flashback when you smell acetone.

thanks to shebmo for linking one of my flash pieces to her neat blog though. rock on sistah souljah.

saturday 2nd april, 2005


yesterday i got april-fooled into believing that jamie oliver was really going to run for tory MP of arundel.