thursday 24 september, 2005


delay is going down! let's hope he's the first (frist? hello?) in a long line of toppling timber.

here is my mom's account of meeting cindy sheehan (this link takes a minute to load) in person at the cathedral of st. john the divine on morningside drive... quite by accident as well!:

The event was most inspiring & quite moving. The huge cathedral was about half-way filled and they ran out of chairs, so when I got there (@ 7pm) it was standing-room only. I actually got to meet Cindy Sheehan in person, by accident, outside the bathroom facilities (which we had both used, it seems, at the same time; the public restrooms are in a huge outside trailer in back of the cathedral). I went right up to her, introduced myself & asked to shake her hand. Her hand grip was a bit weak at first, but she didn't let go as I told her how worried I was that she might have gotten arrested when she was speaking at Union Square that afternoon (there had been a misleading report going around on the Internet). At that point her hand grip had grown much more firm and intentionally meaningful; she told me that the cops actually let her finish speaking before they cut off the sound system (there was no permit allowing for that, in spite of numerous attempts to get one).

Cindy and I chatted a bit as we held each other's hand; when I wished all her endeavors to be great successes, she hugged me as a friend and partisan-in-arms and then we went our separate ways. She is a very sweet, soft-spoken woman who is cynically painted as an shrill harridan by the right wing media; her gentleness and very real interest in people took me by surprise & quite lierally awed me. I was glad I went to the cathedral that evening (even if it was all by myself) - I know that I would have greatly regretted having missed that piece of NYC history.

awesome. dezz & i both have colds that we will be bringing to the states with us, and probably infecting everyone on the flight over in the process. 'what to do?' as nihal would say.

we take The Witty to a cattery in burgess hill later this afternoon. it is a very nice place that we went & looked at first hand, run by a kind lady & her family & staff. i was kinda freaked out at the whole idea at first, but at least we know she will be well looked after. i guess i still have trauma from having my last cat adopted. i still can't really talk about it.

so, see some of you in NYC very soon! yee!

saturday 29 september, 2005


shellac make me wanna play drums again. totally, 100%, monster.

in rokit today there were playing honky by the melvins and it really took me back a couple years. good or bad? only the best moments of that time remain, i'm thankful to be able to leave the shit behind. some people are posessed by their worst memories and tend to dwell. i know i have nothing to complain about. when i bitch & moan about my stupid personal stuff, i hate that petty little person. innocent people get their arms & legs blown off every day. entire species are dying as i write this. someone is shooting up. someone else is hurting their child. corporations are killing, governments keep drilling, everyone around me is buying the lie. what did i buy today? a used army coat and a block of organic cheddar. fuck the world.

mr lydon is at it again... preach it my pasty cynical brother. i can't help it if i agree with everything he says.

anyway i kinda owe it to the melvins for getting me out of new york, which was killing me. time is such a weird thing. here's me right after i moved cross country.


freezing on the beach off sloat road. as you do.

actually smiling. hmmm.

people, clean your houses.

thursday 22 september, 2005


one of the most awful people i've ever met once said that to me, and it's really stuck.

i've turned into an IT dude against my will! my brain feels like it's been wrung out like a sponge. I had a nice fallen angel porter when i got home which helped take the edge off, and a wonderful chat with my mom who hugged cindy sheehan! i am waiting with nearly baited breath for the story to be emailed to me.

getting ready for hols is exciting, i haven't had a proper vacation in a very very long time (like, years). getting ready to relax has never been so exhausting. this update is a lot of crap and i apologise... i've added a couple new links to the navigation, more leftie stuff so don't say you haven't been warned.

i am really stunned at the lack of inspiration i am feeling right now. tomorrow's another day i guess. here is a picture of my desk. most of my brain got left underneath it i think.



welcome to my underground lair.

Even when you're lifted by the lie
Heaven sent and gifted-ask them why
Never give it all up-never try
All their hearts are breaking

Unspirited
The less than life you live
The lessons make you lame, boy
the same, boy
Everywhere that you go, I'm with you now

When you lose it all, you'll think of me
When you take the fall, you'll drink to me
I'm the one who did it painlessly
I'm the one that does it

Unspirited

tuesday 13 september, 2005


here is what i did at work yesterday: played against myself at flash mini golf. all day.



that's right beeyotch, six under par... SIX UNDER PAR. result! and i did fuck all else. our internet connection tanked and i couldn't read or go for a walk because the only 'adult' in the office can see what i'm up to now that i've moved my desk. prediction: a whole lotta duvet days.

link of the day: church of the flying spaghetti monster. the game is way cool. thanks ulrika!

we go on holiday soon. really soon. my family is gonna meet my husband. is new york ready for dezz? only time will tell... xxx

saturday 9 september, 2005


that is the actual title of a spoon song, from a series of sneaks - one of my favorite albums.

as can be expected, the US is basically holding the UN hostage by threatening to withold dues unless they adopt bolton's insane, irrational reforms next week. jack straw is appealing to condi for a stop to this, but we know where her cards are stacked (and during hurricane season that would be 5th avenue anyway). earlier on i posted a link on exactly what this late-arriving 40-pages of self-serving whitewash contains. it sickens me. of course most americans don't know and don't care what's going on at the UN, cos it doesn't affect them, unless it does something to gas prices they just don't take notice.

hats off to the guy who told cheney to go fuck himself.

now here's the fluff:



and of course:

absolutely.

thursday 8 september, 2005


blah blah blah... so much drama... no wonder my grandmother called me sarah bernhardt.

back to the crimes of bush... basically condi's buying shoes and dick is ridin' the range while bodies rot in the streets. just another day... i made another sickly little cut tag to spare you signing up for a NY times account. see, there's a heart of gold beating inside this ol' armadillo.

i wanted to post a couple links from bellacio.org but their bandwidth is through the roof right now. there's an open letter to bush from a soldier that blew me away. at least the hideous debacle is all over the place in the media.

saturday the witty goes to the vet and there's an ANTM marathon on the telly. i am stoked.

sunday 4 september, 2005


when i listen to music i feel it coursing through my veins like my own blood, i move involuntarily in time to each beat and each minute inflection of the instruments' delivery, no matter how subtle or self-imagined. and that's just what goes on on the outside...

when i left the states i made a very conscious decision to put myself into early retirement from the music industry. but it still feels like something is trapped inside me screaming to get out... like my hands and body should be doing something else, anything other than whatever i'm doing at the present moment. i fight that feeling constantly, every day, every hour, every minute... but i refuse to give in to it. i am literally starving myself away from the urge to start another band. i refuse to pick up my guitar. i always find something else to do. and i still never feel quite right. i never stop hoping this will pass, that's it's just a symptom of the withdrawal and only temporary. it is painful, a physical hurt, deep and empty, the closest thing i'll ever feel to kicking an addiction.

i've had to spend alot of time trying to figure out why i'm doing this... i can't handle the roller coaster, the highs are too high and the lows are too low. i can't come down, then i can't get back up again. i can't process the slings and arrows of opinion, even thought i know it's all subjective anyway when it comes to art. i think too much and i feel too much. i wish i could turn it on & off like a tap. honestly, i'm afraid if i start playing again i will die. music makes me cry, makes me want, makes me think absolutely crazy things, and that scares the hell out of me. i think i'm afraid of what i'm capable of, and i don't even want to know what that is... cos i think that would hurt even more than what i'm going through right now.

what it boils down to is this i guess: half of me is happy to be emotionally stable at long last, and rational, and balanced. but the other half is screaming to be let out again, jonesing for the adrenaline rush, the heat of light raining down, peering into an expectant mysterious darkness. the darkness without and the darkness within, i know they are one and the same. i only feel free when i'm singing. yet i remain trapped.

saturday 3 september, 2005


a few things i really like:

flowers growing through a brick wall
the sound of my cat's first morning cry
a good bottle of porter
endorphin highs
hearing part of a great song trailing from a car as it passes

in hove i saw three chavvy shirtless teenage boys walking along sharing a single cigarette. no matter how much macho loping and posturing they were engaged in, it was obvious the three were very close and really loved each other.

when do we stop living inside ourselves and think about the outside world? can't everyone commit to one single, solitary, selfless act on a daily basis? we owe everything to this planet, this living organism that gave us this precious life. stop taking and start giving something back, please.

good luck to mike, melissa, greg, judy and the kids with the move. i am thinking about you guys & hope to see you soon.

i fixed my ibook. all on my own. learning how to read between the lines of what computers are telling me has proved to be very valuable. it's a special language that i find easily decipherable. now i'm seriously considering getting my IT certification... i could totally do this for a living. and i'd get to wear a tool belt too.

elvis costello has *the* sexiest voice on earth.

my laptop makes my knees sweat.

friday 2 september, 2005


i'm sorry but it's too horrible to ignore.

today i could not eat. it's hard to describe exactly what i'm feeling succinctly: horror, sorrow, rage, helplessness. how can the most powerful nation in the world let this happen unless it wanted it to?

thursday 1st september, 2005


"In 2001, FEMA warned that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S. But the Bush administration cut New Orleans flood control funding by 44 percent to pay for the Iraq war." - Sidney Blumenthal.

this is a mind-boggling piece that must be read. it's an ugly little cut tag but it's an ugly little president.

what will happen to these people? how will they rebuild their lives? they won't, and bush will see to that. only commercial and corporate interests are insured, or can afford to re-construct or will get aid from Das Government. say goodbye to bourbon street and hello to a synthetic disneyland stripmall nightmare. he wants all the people leeching off social services to disappear. and it's all going according to plan.

god dammit, what will it take to wake people up? and now he's got the balls to have a photo opp on the backs of these people's misery to try improving his ratings (the lowest since tricky dick's final days... hello? impeach? anyone?)

i really hoped when i split the states i'd be rid of this bug, but the reach of this Madministration has universal proportions that can not be reversed. that's OK, keep driving your SUVs and eating at McDonalds. as long as you are comfortable and happy what does it matter? suffering is for other people.

i really want to gibber and tweet about what i had for lunch today and how GREAT some stupid band is but i just can't.